Category Archives: recipe

Salmon Avocado Salad

I love Costco. Far too much. So much that I can walk out with a year’s worth of laundry detergent, four electric tooth brushes, and 15 cans of wild chunk salmon, and feel successful.

My dad also loves Costco.

We went together…my pantry will never be the same…nor will my marriage.


Fifteen cans of Salmon is a lot of salmon – especially if you’ve never actually eaten canned salmon. Feeling less successful now. Questioning life decisions. Dark places, friends.

After moving said cans out of the way in the pantry 20 million times, I decided it was time to pee or get off the pot. Enter Salmon Avocado Salad.



  • 1 6 oz. can Salmon
  • 1 avocado, cubed
  • 1/4 vidalia or other sweet onion, sliced
  • 1 tsp dill
  • 2-3 Tbsp lemon
  • 1 Tbsp mayonaise

DIRECTIONS: Toss everything together and gobble down.

Now I need to go to Costco for more avocados.

And probably 90 pairs of white socks.

Nutrition Facts: 3 Servings, 204 calories, 14 g fat, 7 g carbs, 14 g protein.

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Tuna salad, the penultimate lazy summer food.


Nothing is easier than popping open a can of meat (who invented this? I love you and am still worried about why this is ok) and smashing the flaky meat with mayo and veggies. Unfortunately, said mayo doesn’t make the cut of healthful foods, and greek yogurt doesn’t do it for me.


Enter ginger beet kraut.

Ginger, yes. Beets, yes. Sauerkraut, fuck yes. This took the boring greek yogurt substitution to top notch in no time. Let’s not talk about the $7.00 this set me back at fresh market. Shhhhh. You can’t put a price on health. Wait, I just did. It costs thousands of $7.00 impulse buys. I digress.

Get this. Mix it with tuna, greek yogurt, lemon, salt, pepper, and celery and shove it down your fat face. I will.

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Flank Steak with Balsamic Tomatoes and Shallots

Have you ever been in love? Like so in love you can’t think about anything else. You get butterflies in your stomach and all your friends are tired of hearing about it.

That. My friends, is how I feel about this steak.


This steak.

This steak.

I can’t even.

But I will.

First of all, steak.



Then, veggies.


Now you can feel better that you’re not downing a 1/2 lb of steak without any fiber. I take care of my people.

Then some heat and vinegar and you have yourself a beautifully presented meal for four. This pairs deliciously with Cabernet Sauvignon, and I won’t even judge you for making this on Thursday and drinking the whole bottle yourself. Cabernet also pairs well with pjs, netflix, and couches. Just saying.


(Adapted from an old Cooking Light Magazine)



  • flank Steak (1-2 lbs)
  • Tbsp EVOO
  • salt and pepper
  • 1 Tbsp garlic, minced
  • 1 large shallot, thinly sliced
  • 1/3 cup balsamic vinegar
  • 2 cups cherry tomatoes, quartered
  • 1/4 cup green onions sliced



  1. Allow steak to warm to room temperature. (I skip this 99% of the time because I impulse cook.)
  2. Salt and pepper both sides of steak.
  3. Heat olive oil over medium-high heat. Cook steak 5-6 minutes/side or until your desired level of cooked. (I do between medium rare and medium. Medium rare is ~5 min/side.)
  4. Remove steak to rest. Add garlic and shallots to pan and cook until lightly brown (~1-2 mins).
  5. Add vinegar and cook another 1-2 minutes until most of the vinegar has evaporated. Stir intermittently.
  6. Add tomatoes, green onions, and pepper. Cook 2 minutes or until the tomatoes soften and release their liquid. Stir intermittently.
  7. Slice steak across grain into thin slices and top with tomato mixture. Enjoy.


Nutrition Facts (Based on 1.5 lb steak): Serves 4, 310 calories, 16 g fat, 4 g carbs, 1 g fiber, 35 g fiber.


Light Italian Shrimp and Vegetables


Hey guys.

Hey guys.

I worked out. Hard.

Can we have a party? Not really, but after I push myself physically, its a challenge not to negate it with beer and chips to “celebrate” not falling off the treadmill. If you can relate, protein is you answer and this dish will give you the volume you need to curb cravings while not packing on the calories. We threw this two serving dish together tonight and it came together as simple and fresh, with only 427 calories but 52 grams of protein. Cool additional facts about this dish: it has 50% of your daily recommended Vitamin A, 43% B-12, and 86% of your Vitamin D. Count me in.




  • 1 lb raw shrimp, peeled deveined
  • 1 Tbsp olive oil
  • 1/2 yellow onion, chopped
  • 3 tsp minced garlic
  • 1/2 cup cherry tomatoes, quartered
  • 1/2 can artichoke hearts in water, chopped
  • 1 cup spinach
  • 2 tsp Italian Seasoning
  • 1 – 2 tsp red pepper flakes
  • Salt and pepper to taste


  1. Saute onion and garlic over medium-high heat with 1 tsp oil until translucent and beginning to brown, about 4 minutes.
  2. Add seasonings followed by shrimp and remaining oil. Saute 2 minutes.
  3. Add remaining vegetables and cook for an additional 5 minutes or until shrimp is opaque and tomatoes are softened.

I’ll recap my latest workout fetish soon, but I have a theory its orange…

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Hold up. Prepare yourself. Really. You’re about to get freaky with some chicken.

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I did.

At 1 am.

In my PJs.


And I’m not even ashamed. This is the juiciest, crunchiest, howdidibreathewithoutyou chicken ever. So when I pulled the bird out of the oven after three intoxicating hours of breathing the roasting aroma of garlic and cayenne, it was photo worthy for all of three minutes. Chickens without legs and wings are not pretty.

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The key is time and oil. Lots of both. I’ve read on several blogs that in order to make thebestchickenofyourlife, it takes three hours in the oven at a low temperature. A lot can happen in three hours. Like, paint could dry, I could blink over 32 thousand times, or I could die before ever tasting said best chicken. Needless to say, I’ve never tried it. Better. Shit. To. Do.


Lucky for both of us, Thursday at 10pm, I surveyed my apartment and realized I had about two hours of cleaning to do and one episode of House of Cards to watch.

Enter bird.


Let’s talk about roasting them for a minute. Normally, the routine is put lemon-thyme-pepper-something on them, throw them in a roasting dish, oil and bake for an hour at 425. After going through the motions, proceed to deconstruct the chicken and hide it in carb heavy dishes like quinoa and pasta so that you don’t have to taste the lemon-thyme-pepper-shit. gag.

First, don’t do any of that. Ever again. Also, throw away your thyme. Its over used. Replace it with cayenne and we can be friends.

[who am i kidding? you’re reading my blog? we can be friends]


I started with this rub and recipe and made some adjustments.


  • 3.5-4 lb chicken
  • 2 tsp sea salt
  • 2 tsp paprika
  • 1 tsp oregano
  • 1 1/2 tsp cayenne
  • 1 tsp cumin
  • 1 1/2 tsp black pepper
  • 4 garlic cloves, mashed (or broken up if you’r lazy)
  • 1 lemon, quartered
  • oil, don’t bother measuring, you’re going to lose track anyway


  1. Pre-heat oven to 300 F.
  2. Que up Netflix.
  3. Remove gross bits from inside chicken. Wash and thoroughly dry. Re-wash chicken if you knock over the soap dispenser on it. Re-dry.
  4. Combine all of the dry spices to make rub.
  5. Separate the chicken skin from the meat. Do this by sliding your hand between the skin and breast meat all the way to the top of the chicken on both sides, then on the back down the neck between the skin and back. Sounds gross, but so worth it.
  6. Take ~ 1 Tbsp oil…or just whatever…and rub between the skin and meat all over chicken. Yeah, that just happened. You’re welcome.
  7. Take 1/3 [ish] of the rub and rub it where you just put the oil, between the skin and meat. Thank me in three hours.
  8. Now repeat 6-7 on the outside of the chicken using the remaining rub.
  9. Stuff chicken with mashed garlic and lemon.
  10. Tie legs together if you’re taking pictures. No one wants an unlady-like bird.
  11. Roast for 2.5-3 hours, basting with juices every hour. Mine took 2.5 hours and was 3.5 lbs.
  12. Rest 10 mins.
  13. Get freaky.



This was suggested to me by a friend when I described my need for chips, so I thought we’d try it. After ditching zucchini noodles for spaghetti squash, I didn’t have a plan for the leftover veggies anyway. The chips were tasty, but didn’t cook evenly. (It didn’t stop me from pounding a whole squash.) I’d suggest a double walled cooking sheet sprayed with non stick instead of a broiling pan, and I think you’d have better luck.


  • 1 zucchini, large
  • 2 tsp red pepper flakes
  • 1 T olive oil (lower fat alternative, EVOO cooking spray)
  • salt pepper to taste
  • parmesan if your non-paleo


  1. Pre-heat oven to 375 F. Spray baking sheet with non-stick.
  2. Thinly slice zucchini, 1/8 inch is fine. If you have a mandolin slicer, that would be best. I don’t so I had some odd shaped ones. Its most important for them to all be the same thickness rather than the same shape.
  3. Toss slices in oil (or spray them).
  4. Coat with seasonings.
  5. Arrange on baking sheet in single layer with no overlap to avoid soggy chips.
  6. Roast for 15 mins on top rack of oven until sides are brown and start to crisp.
  7. Remove from oven and leave on baking sheet to cool.

The hubs even ate these which is rare for such an undressed vegetable. The kick from the red pepper was bliss.

Yesterdays eats:


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ali“I don’t count my sit-ups. I only start counting when it starts hurting. That is when I start counting, because then it really counts. That’s what makes you a champion.”

-Muhammad Ali


Getting back in the saddle isn’t fun, ever. But, its allot easier when you don’t sweat losing falling off the horse. Making it only 1/2 way to my 30 days of clean eating then taking a 9 day haitus subsisting on bourbon and bread product alone probably constitutes killing the poor horse. Not to mention, the scale is back to its favorite spot. 158…159.8 (I lie). God, OK 160.5, what are you, a polygraph?

Anyway, I think its important to set high goals, even at the risk of not meeting them. Growth, for me, starts when I get uncomfortable. The hubs’ nickname for me is literally creature-of-comfort, so its obviously not something I like to do. Give me a snuggie and House of Cards and you have my loyalty forever.

Being a snuggie-clad, house wife, however, is below post-office employee on my list of desirable professions. So at the cost of not being perfect, I’m going to keep my goals high and push for 90% of awesome and challenging instead of 100% of decent and comfortable.



Matt and I have really been enjoying this bolognese sauce. I want to eat it out of the tupperware with nothing else. Cold. Does three minutes in the microwave seem like eternity to anyone else? We tried the sauce over zucchini noodles the first day and then over spaghetti squash. Spaghetti squash was the clear winner. Check out the Paleo Newbie for for full recipe. I used  Jennie-O’s sweet onion turkey sausage and doubled the red pepper flakes.


On that note, do you know how easy it is to make spaghetti squash? Another vegetable, on a long list I’m sure, that I have been making completely wrong. Here’s how simple:

  1. Preheat oven to 350 F. [or 400 if you’re me and refuse to use another setting for anything]
  2. Poke holes in the WHOLE spaghetti squash with a paring knife. 10-15 is plenty.
  3. Roast for 30-45 minutes. Its done when you can press on it and make a dent.
  4. Cut open (easily).
  5. Remove seeds/pulp from middle with kitchen shears.
  6. Pull meet from rind with fork.
  7. Cry a little over your burned fingers.

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Below are my eats for Day 13.


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Thank you, @nakedsoles, for twisting my social media arm and forcing me to give cauliflower rice a try again. Let’s get real, I’ll do anything you want me to (exceptsharenewclothes. itsalittlesisterthing). All jest aside, I have been making this rice substitute wrong forever…or since the one time I tried it and lost faith in vegetables for 6 years. The key is roasting it. Don’t steam it, you’ll hate your life and eat chicken nuggets to recover. All the nuggets. Don’t rush. Recovery takes time. Roasting gives it a firmer exterior and an al-dente interior which is a perfect rice imitation.


CAULIFLOWER RICE (original recipe)

  • 1 Head Cauliflower
  • Cooking Spray
  1. Preheat Oven to 350 F.
  2. Remove cauliflower florets and place in vitamix/blender/food processor. Pulse until finely chopped (~1 cm).
  3. Place on pan and coat in cooking spray. Shake pan a little and spread it all out.
  4. Roast for 15-20 mins or until some “rice” is brown.


STEAK STIR FRY (paleo friendly)

Once you get your rice going, you can move on to the easy part. Frying up your veggies. I never use the same veggies for stir fry, so feel free to get creative or use leftovers. Some interesting additions could be asparagus, watered chestnuts, bamboo shoots, leek, or even chopped cabbage.


  • 1 T coconut oil
  • 2 tsp minced garlic
  • 1 onion, chopped (big pieces)
  • 1 head broccoli
  • 1 c mushrooms (whatever kind. I had baby bellas)
  • 1 c chopped carrots
  • 1 T sesame seeds
  • 1 T mirin
  • 2 T teriaki
  • 1/2 lb sirloin steak, seasoned salt + pepper
  • 1 recipe cauliflower rice
  • 2 eggs


  1. Heat coconut oil over med/high heat, saute garlic until fragrant.
  2. Add onion, saute 2-3 mins.
  3. Add broccoli, saute 3 mins, add remaining veggies, sesame seeds, and mirin.
  4. Grill sirloin to medium rare ~2.5 mins/side. Remove from heat. (veggies still going). Rest 4-6 mins.
  5. Scramble two eggs, set aside.
  6. Chop steak to 1 in cubes. Should look delicious.
  7. Add teriaki to veggies and toss. Remove from heat, add steak.
  8. Mix scrambled eggs with cauliflower rice.
  9. Top egg/rice mixture with vegetables and steak.

imagesSIDEBAR: Buy your groceries on Wednesday! I’m a Sunday grocery shopper. Me and the rest of Northern Virginia. We all go to Wegman’s at 4:00 on Sunday and proceed to showcase the best of our East Coast personalities (#typeA, noonemovesheretowait, bitchthatsmysalmon. whobringskidstothegauntlet). If you had asked me to shop for groceries on Wed three months ago, I would have laughed in your face. Its not what I do. My week follows a strict formula. Sunday = groceries/meal prep. Monday-Fri = try to make it. Sat = drink. Now, I’d have to apologize to your imaginary and wise face. I’m a convert. We didn’t use up last week’s groceries until Tuesday because of our trip, which left me with a weekday run. Everything was SO CHEAP. Everything. Like 66% retail cheap. I bought so much meat because the deals were too good to pass up. Organic? Yes please. Lamb? Sure, why not? Two Cornish hens? My blog be flossin. \endsoapbox

Below are my eats for DAY 12. Stay tuned for the bolognese sauce recipe. I promise, its worth the wait.


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  • 1lb raw shrimp, shelled and deveined
  • 1/4 cup quartered cherry tomatoes
  • 1 zucchini
  • 1/4 cup tomato sauce
  • 4 oz mushrooms, sliced
  • 2 stalks celery diced
  • 1/4-1/2 green pepper, diced
  • yellow onion, diced
  • 1 tsp garlic
  • 1/4 cup banana peppers (or slightly less depending on your taste)
  • 2 tsp oil
  • parsley
  • salt and pepper


  1. Julienne zucchini to make noodles, set aside. (I use one of these.)
  2. Skillet fry the onion, bell pepper, garlic, and celery in 1 tsp oil.
  3. Add mushrooms until they release their liquid, ~5 min.
  4. Add tomatoes and banana peppers, cook 2 min.
  5. Add tomato sauce, parsley, salt, and pepper to taste, cook additional 3-5 min.
  6. Saute 1 tsp garlic in remaining oil, add shrimp and pepper. Cook until done ~ 3 min/side, pink, and opaque.
  7. Steam zucchini “noodles” for 2-3 mins. Remove from heat immediately. Drain and pat “noodles” dry.
  8. Layer zucchini with sauce and top with shrimp.

This was thrown together with our leftovers from the week, but turned out fresh and tangy tasting. Matt enjoyed it. I’m a little ODed on shrimp for the time being.

Below are my eats for the day. I didn’t measure dinner, but went over the 1/3 cup of rice. I think I gobbled down a whole cup before Matt caught me. #cantbetrusted




I was a child of the 90’s. I was present for a bit of the 80’s, but my awkward, define-yourself-as-a-person years occupied most of the 90’s. I vividly remember roller-blading around my neighborhood, seductively (I thought) licking my flinstone’s push-up, in training bra and high-waisted jorts, gel pen clad legs screaming “I ❤ DH,” and white crop top that proudly sparkled “WHATEVER” at the poor oncoming traffic. While I’ve since ditched gel pens and jorts, and replaced the hope of marrying DH (mostly, firstcrushneverdies) with the actual hubs, some things stick around.

Case in point – flinstone’s push ups. While I don’t want to know what made up 90% of my after-school snacks, I can only assume that like everything else in the decade, it was predominately corn starch. Not haute, not healthy, butnowimhungry. After my 4th pure barre class and a 2 mi jaunt in the woods in 6 in of snow, I wanted something sweet. I wanted push ups. It took a while to get the proportions right, but here is the final rendition of the healthified flinstones smoothie. Tell me what you think over a game of pogs.




  • 5 tangerines
  • 1/2 banana, frozen
  • 8-10 ice cubes
  • 1 1/2 scoops vanilla protein powder
  • 1 Tbsp greek yogurt
  • 1/4 c. water


  1. Place ingredients, ice first, in high powered blender.
  2. Blend on med/high for 10-12 seconds. Tamper ice down if needed.
  3. Drink and reminisce while watching Clueless.

Below are my eats for the day. Progress update and week one review tomorrow!


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